Kevin and I met at a drop in center for active users in Denver. He is originally from Ohio and moved out to the Denver area two years ago.

How I found this place? A friend of mine. Told me about this place. About four months ago, five months ago, yeah. Just told me the fact that they had supplies and stuff for shooting up, helpful information about Hep C and other programs. Anyway. I come down once a week usually. Take advantage of the shower and stuff like that.

Q: Tell me about yourself, your drug history.

Shoo. It’s… I started drinking when I was eight or nine. I drank- I hid it pretty good for a long time, but ahh, my parents never realized how- I am an addict. I just extend everything way out. I’ve gone through… I started smoking cigarettes and pot when I was 12, acid when I was 16, prescription drugs, anything I could get my hands on anytime through high school. Fifteen, 16, I was doing stuff up. I got my first drug suspension in ninth grade. I got two weeks for Xanax. I’ve done everything, any kind of drug. Propane gas. Barbiturates. Any kind of psychotropics, thorazine, vicodin, anything you can think of, I’ve tried.

But my favorite’s meth. And acid. And coke. So, ahh, that’s pretty much the history. Acid I haven’t done for years. No one makes it anymore. But ahh, I didn’t start shooting up until I was 26. I am 27 now. In a year and a half I’ve got Hep C.

Q: You are shooting meth?

Meth, heroine, coke. Equal opportunity user.

Q: That’s a lot of stuff.

Yeah, but not all the time. Not all the time, I have sober days in between, too. I save up and get really messed up.

Q: Why did you start drinking at eight or nine?

It was there.

No, they didn’t drink a lot. They just had it. I grew up on a farm. I’ve always been out of control I guess. Criminalistic. I don’t know, I think it’s more of a criminal thing for me. The danger, the adrenaline rush is a lot of it. But ahh, you know, if it wasn’t illegal, if it was just something that anybody could do anytime, it wouldn’t even phase me you know. It attracts me to be on the edge I guess.

Q: You mentioned run ins with the law?

Oh yeah. Lots. Ever since I was a little kid really. I had a felony before I was 18. I haven’t had any as an adult, but I have something like 300 misdemeanors all over the country. Some of it little stuff. DUI’s, driving without a license, and then when I got to Denver I started getting picked up all the time. For possessions, of marijuana. I’ve always smoked pot, but since I have been in Denver I’ve been homeless on the street. I didn’t have anybody out here. I didn’t work when I came out here and I couldn’t find a job.

I came on a magazine trip- selling magazines door to door all across the country. I worked with them for two or three months. I quit my job and that’s how I wound up in Denver. I came from Ohio to here and eventually ended up here.

I jumped off the magazine train with a couple of suitcases and stuff- screw it, the weather’s nice. I came in the summer time and camped out. I’ve stuck to the street ever since. Through the law getting a hold of me lots of times that I end up on the street. On the street, it’s harder to find a job.

Q: That seems like a big transition from a farm in Ohio to homeless in Denver?

You might say. But I didn’t like farm life that much. I was stuck on the farm. I left home when I was 17. Me and my family aren’t exactly family anymore.

Q: What kind of contact do you have with them now?

I talk to my sister… That’s it. I still love her.

Q: She’s still in Ohio?

Yeah. She’s got four kids. Married. Got a house. Piece of land.

Q: At this point, what are you trying to do? Short term, long term goals?

At this point? My long term goal… Wow. I’ve got a daughter in Colorado Springs. That’s why I’ve stayed in Denver. Because of my daughter, I kind of want to have an impact on her life. If just to be the reason she wouldn’t be a criminal like me.

Q: At this point, how do you feel about your drug use?

I know I can’t stop. I know I can’t keep going on like this because it’s bad. It’s a bad effect on everybody. But ahh, I just don’t know how to keep it between the lines, you know?

There’s always an extreme. You’re either extreme clean or you’re a drug addict. But that’s not true, there’s a whole lot of people out there living a functioning life on drugs. I did it at one time. The effects of going in and out of jail. I got caught for distribution. I went to jail eight times last year because of warrants and stuff. They would take me out and put me on probation. I can’t do probation, I’m a drug addict. So they’d put me back in jail each time they caught me. I’d get more tickets and then I’d have more warrants. In and out of jail. I’ve got a warrant right now…

Q: When referred to treatment?

Oh, not through the court system.

Q: Ever?

AA. Or NA. Court ordered? Never. I’ve never been court ordered to treatment.

Q: How many times have you appeared before a judge, would you estimate?

Whewww. Outrageous amounts. I know in Ohio I already had over 200 misdemeanors. I figured every time I went in front of a judge I’d have at least five things: a speeding ticket, failure to appear, contempt of court… it all adds up. I figure at least 50-60 times. Maybe 100. I mean I went in front of the judges as a kid.

Q: Have you tried an AA or NA group? Gone to treatment?

I have turned myself into treatment three times now. I did an IVH in Akron, Ohio, which is a big, I mean the president’s been there. Presidents show up. The Pope’s been there. It’s one of the top treatment facilities in the nation. I only made it 30 days. It was in-patient. I went in there strung out on coke and meth and into a detox. And ahh, they pretty much referred me to the program, and the county paid for it.

Q: How old were you then?

At that time? Twenty-three.

Q: Why did you leave?

Circumstances. My anger management. Umm. I just couldn’t take… Me and people don’t get along I guess. There’s something within me. You know, I know people do get through programs- that doesn’t mean they stay clean either. But ahh, I can’t even get through the programs, so… That was the first one.

I went to the Salvation Army in Ohio, too, but they forced the bible on me and I blew them off.

I went to the Salvation Army in Colorado Springs recently, and ahh, they forced the bible on me. I tried to attend, but it wound up every staff member ended up yelling at me and told me to get out of the program because I wouldn’t listen to their bible crap.

Q: So at this point, do you want to try treatment again? What do you want?

To be able to visit with my daughter. But El Paso County Human Services said I would have to go through some treatment, do whatever they said. I am thinking about going back and trying something if they have any more programs or whatever. I’ve got to do whatever it takes for my daughter. She’s about a year and a half old now.

Q: Does her mom use drugs as well?

No. Her mom’s clean. Her mom lived with me and was clean.

Q: Did Services give you a list?

No, they said they would help me. The representative said she would help me, you know, get into whatever program I needed to get into. But I am still a user and it is really hard for me to turn myself in to do it. It stops everything in your life. I always feel there’s a chance to get ahead, but I don’t use my chances wisely I guess… I want to go. Just for my daughter, you know? Get through the programs…

Q: Are you trying to maintain a relationship with your daughter’s mother?

At this point, it’s just my daughter, but I love her mom. And she loves me. But we can’t be together.

Q: because of drugs? Or in general?

In general. She’s in a program, too. She’s fallen on hard times too. She has epilepsy. Her medication never worked, so she couldn’t work a lot of places. And she had anger management problems. She’s in a program to help her be a better mother, to be a better person in general just like I should be.

Q: Where are you friends from Ohio at this point?

I really haven’t seen a one of them. I have been really bad about keeping phone numbers. I lose everything.

Q: Do they use as well? Have they moved on to other things?

Hmmm. It’s strange. My world. You know, back then in Ohio, I worked. I am a licensed welder. I used to work on cars. I work on semis. I can build houses. I am a really good roofer. You know, all these things that I did, I can do anything. I always worked. If it wasn’t… When I left home, four months before I was 18, I quit going to school. I’d go once a week and stuff. I sold drugs. I did acid. That didn’t work. So I quit doing that. Totally quit. I didn’t do it again until I got to Denver.

Q: You mean selling?

Yeah.

So not everybody I knew back there was a drug addict. Not everybody I know here uses drugs. I can function with anybody.

My friends. They’re still there. I don’t know maybe how they are. I know they’re alright.

Q: How would you describe the difference between drug cultures here and in Ohio?

There’s a lot more pot heads here. It’s a lot more ahh, out. Out in the open. A lot more people in Denver do drugs than people in Cleveland or people in any other town I’ve been in. Maybe Miami was close. I’ve been to Miami once, everybody was on drugs. But it just seems that way when you are in the circle, too.

Q: Have you been able to tell a difference in the way the states approach the problem? What was being done in Ohio?

Jail. Cops. Jail. That was their big ahh thing in Ohio. Ohio, Colorado, and California are all big prison states. Lots of prisons. And ahh the judges are willing to dole out big sentences. So the consequences are there, but the actual… They’re not going to stop it with jails and cops. You can’t just stop drug use.

Q: When you got to Denver, why did you start injecting here?

Uhh. I was actually around more IV-users here that did speed. There’s not as much methamphetamines in Ohio. That sort of drew me in to try it once. Once I tried it... It was a chick. She shot me up the first time we ever did it. We had sex. Ever since then, it’s my sex drug.

Q: Is it hard to get works around here?

Yeah, it is. When you finally get up your money for drugs and then get the drugs, usually places are closed. You can get needles for a quarter a piece, but they are out on Washington and Colfax during the day. The police station’s right there. But that’s during the day. After that, you’re screwed. There’s one Safeway that still sells needles and one King’s Super that still sells. But at Safeway you have to buy 300 at a time. At King Supers you can still buy 10 at a time.

Q: How did you get diagnosed with Hep C?

The girl that turned me on… to shooting up. She’s still my friend. We, we shared needles me and her, many times. I’ve used bleach to rinse before, too, but I guess bleach isn’t the answer for Hep C, for all forms of it. All I know is I’ve shown every symptom of Hep C that she has, except jaundice because I don’t drink. I’ve quit meth use. I don’t shoot up now. It was like 30 days ago I stopped that.

Q: Do you do more of other drugs now or have you reduced drug use?

I’ve been smoking a lot of crack. That’s more or less because people want to buy it and I know where it’s at and I can’t turn down anything that makes me feel good… for free. I was hooking people up and they’d get me high.

I’ve never been stingy with my drugs. So I shared and people share with me.

Q: What are the big drugs out here?

You can get anything you want. It’s probably harder to get pills and prescription meds. Doctors aren’t giving out a lot of scripts anymore. But ahh, stuff like heroin and meth, it’s everywhere. It’s easy to get.

Q: How does meth run in terms of cost, are most people injecting? Smoking?

Not a lot of people shoot up. You know, we’re outcasts. Most people smoke meth. That’s how I used to do it when I was in Ohio. Smoked crank, smoked meth. I’d put it in my pot, smoke it up.

Q: To smoke meth, how much does that cost?

It depends. It depends on how much you smoke. I know meth’s cheaper than crack.

Q: Doesn’t it last a lot longer?

Yeah…. That’s why I say it’s cheaper. Jeez, if you want to get high, the way I do it, I spend twenty bucks, put it all in a needle and I’m high for two days. If I smoke crack, I would smoke $300 or $400 in there. Some people do eight balls of meth- that’s $200 a day. My body can’t take it. Heroin addicts can spend up to $600, $1,000 a day. I had a friend spending $1,000 a day on heroin. It all depends on what your usage level can do.

Q: What do you think is the greatest harm that comes out of drug abuse?

It’s not the drugs. It’s not the drugs that do it to people. It’s greed. Money. Greed and power is the biggest harm in drugs. I don’t know how to explain it. The big harm in doing drugs is that other people look at you bad. I mean, your whole life is judged by your drug habit rather than whatever else you did. You know. Nobody can step past that. But the other side of the coin, what the drug addict has to do to get their drugs, it ain’t for free. The prices aren’t cheap. For me, I haven’t worked in two years. For me to get twenty dollars in my pocket at one time, I am a happy, I am happy, ok? Whereas when I used to work, $200 in half a day was nothing. I’ve made a $1,000 in a day before- and not selling drugs. Paying taxes… Where do you draw the line on people? What the cause and effect of the drugs is, you know? Some people function fine so there would be no, no nothing for those people. It doesn’t bother them. Then there’s people like me. I get all kinds of consequences. I’ve had consequences all my life. Because I was drinking and stuff like that, me and my parents would get in fights. As a little kid I got caught stealing a truck, running away from home, I was going to Mexico…. And I out ran the cops…. The truck broke down. I think it was God’s hand. It’s not the alcohol or the drugs. It’s the person. I can’t blame nothing on drugs.

Q: Why you then?

I’m extreme. Easy to spot. And I’m easy and open. It’s easy for someone to spot me out and say, “So you tweaking?” “Yeahh! You know I’m tweaking.” I don’t hide it.

I can’t live a lie anymore. I tried to lie to my parents a lot to get away with things, but I never got away with anything. In the end, you are what you are.

Q: So do you think this is something where if you worked harder, you could change it? Or this is who you are and that’s the deal?

I don’t think I can change. I think this is who I am. A lot of people would want to lock me up in the insane asylum for saying that too. I’ve done some crazy shit. You’ve got to draw a line on people you know. That’s what they say to me about my drug use, that I have to draw a line some way. You can’t just be like that. But ahh, I’m easy to spot. I don’t try. I don’t hide.

Q: What do your parents do? Is you father a farmer?

He worked on diesel trucks, diesel equipment. Mom was a housewife… I was adopted, too. My brothers and sisters are older than me. I’ve got a brother and three sisters and they’re all older than me. My closest sister is 10 years older than me. She’s my friend. She’s the closest person in my family.

Q: How old were you when you were adopted by your parents?

I was two years old. But that was official. I was taken away as a newborn. I went into foster care. My adopted parents got me at six months old.

Q: Why were you taken away?

I don’t know.

You want my opinion on it all? I wish I hadn’t been born, ha ahh. But I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t change nothing I’ve done. Nothing. It’s what makes me, me. For all them little stuck up lawmakers in the congress and all that shit and for that freakin president that said marijuana stoners run around our streets, way back when, you know, screw ‘em. I don’t care. I don’t want to be like them.

Q: At this point, do you want to get your welding license back?

I’d like to have a job again. It doesn’t matter what it is. I’d like to do something creative. But ahh, right now, I’d just like to get my life together, get a job, a place to stay. I had a reality once. I had a paycheck every week, once. I’d just like to have it back.