John is a participant with the needle exchange run by the Chicago Recovery Alliance. He comes to the van at the Blood Alley location.

Q: When did you start coming to the exchange?

I started coming out around four years ago

Q: How did you hear about it?

Through some uh friends.

Q: Are you from Chicago?

I wasn’t born here, no. I was born in Tennessee. I have been in Chicago since 1971.

Q: Tell me about yourself.

I am a male, black, as you know. I have been around drugs 20-25 years. Off and on. I have been to prison three times. I really can’t find steady work right now- a lot of part time stuff. I have been homeless two years. It’s hard right now. You start to do drugs to get an escape… before you know it- my main drug of choice is heroin- I am not a coke man. It’s one of the worst drugs other than alcohol. All of the sickness, when you’re dope sick you can’t function. Diarrhea, you’re puking. Other than that, it’s a great life.

I’ve been married and have had a lot of girlfriends, lots of ‘em. Ain’t got no kids.

Q: So you started using drugs about 10 years after coming to Chicago?

It was, yeah. I worked for the first ten years. I had a regular job, wasn’t using no drugs. No kind of drugs. Drank very little. I worked ten years as a carpenter. Me and my buddy- my buddy was selling heroin. He got me to work for him. I was working making like $500 a week working for him. But my job was harder than selling drugs. I did both of ‘em for a while. Then, I couldn’t do both, so I took the easy way. I was struggling. Why struggle when you can sell drugs?

Eventually, I started using. Smelling ‘em. Smelling the coke, smelling the dope. I didn’t think much about it at first. I didn’t know what it was, what sick was. I went to jail before I realized I was sick. Then I knew what they were talking about. I was in the bull pen, stomach cramping up, had the runs, so on. They said, “You dope sick. You use some dope, you be alright.” I said, “Whatchoo mean?” They said, “You need some dope.” Sure enough, they were right. I got some dope as soon as I got out and I was alright.

Q: Did you use in jail?

No, no, no. At the time I didn’t. I didn’t smoke in prison. I never used in prison though. Never used.

I went to prison my first time in 1990. Distribution, manufacturing, selling, a controlled substance. Gave me 14 years. My first time. I did six and a half years straight. My first time in prison in my life. First year was real hard. Real hard, know what I mean? I had to adjust. It was hard adjusting. I quit using drugs for six and a half years. I quit smoking cigarettes.

There is no justice brother. There is no justice really. Once you go in the joint, get that X on your back, everything changes for you. It’s rough. Everything come back on you. Try to get a job- go fill out an application. Lie to them, they find out. Tell the truth, you still in trouble, you can’t win. You can’t get the job. If you lie to them, they are going to do a background check. Can’t tell the truth. You can’t win.

No drugs for six and a half years. I came out in 1996. I was cool. I couldn’t find no, no decent job. So I went back to the place I’d been- selling drugs. And I started using a little bit again. I started smoking cigarettes again. Everything fell apart again.

For two years I went back in the joint. Tried the same thing again. With the same results.

Q: Why were you sent back? Did you violate parole?

Drugs. Another charge. I was still trying to find the easy way out. I got out on in ’99. I went back in ‘99… ’99. Same thing. Trying to find the easy way out, trying to run.

I hatched a plan, I schemed myself, I am going to do it different this time. I fooled myself. It took me three times to learn that. After my last time, I quit selling drugs. I was having the hardest time. I quit selling. But I still use heroin occasionally. It’s rough out here. I do odd jobs, fliers, anything I can find. I am not lazy. I will work. But with that X on your back it’s a killer. It just comes up. Even the cops- the cops get to know you. They know you been to prison, what you been there for. They know you been for selling drugs, so they arrest you for doing the same thing, you know. You can’t win. There’s no justice.

"I fooled myself. It took me three times to learn that."

Use the needle exchange, you get the card, get some syringes. Some cops take you to jail still for having a syringe. “I picked my syringes up, I am going home.” Show ‘em the card. Some cops still take you to jail. And the judge throws it out- it’s a bullshit case, you have the card. But they got a quota they have to fill- it gets thrown out, they don’t care. It still counts as an arrest for him. The cops don’t care if it gets thrown out, it still counts.

I am trying to get in one of these methadone clinics. I am waiting on this place for about a year now, the truck. They are supposed to be able to do methadone. The truck. It’s been in the works for about a year. Almost a year now. It’s all coming together Dan says. He says he has the DEA behind him. They want methadone.

Q: Have you tried getting in another program?

I have been in a couple programs before. Went to one in Evanston after I was out of the joint in ’90. Then I went down to county, they detoxed me.

The paid programs, they easy to get into. It’s a problem if you’re not employed. The state program, it’s about five or eight dollars a week. But the paid program, it costs you fifty dollars a week.

Q: How many state programs are there?

I’m going to say 10 that I know of in the whole area. Ten state funded programs.

Q: How many private programs are there?

It might be balanced. I might be wrong, but it might be balanced. They get all the money though. People abuse methadone because of the paid programs, they don’t monitor like the state programs. As long as you’re paying, they keep increasing your dose. Up to 200mg. That is too much. They got people on Zanax still doing dope. That’s abuse. They abusing it. That stuff will kill you. It’s hard to kick that much. The paid programs, you miss some payments, they detox you in a week, dump your ass in a week. Where the state programs, say you want to leave, they do it slowly. They don’t want you off of meth to be honest. But they will do it slow if you really want it.

When I was in jail, they put me on a 21-day detox. It was pretty cool. I didn’t feel bad. They took a little bit off everyday until I was just taking juice. It wasn’t bad. But in a week- shhhhuh- you’d go in withdrawal. The state, it’s a three month or six month detox. That way it won’t hurt you. And if you hurt, they stop the detox. If you feeling sick, they stop the detox.

I have a friend, been seen for two years in Evanston. Once you been clean long enough you get a code change and you can come pick up your bottles just once a week. The state program got counselors and groups. The paid programs though don’t care, as long as you pay your money.

Q: You think that is important?

Yeah. It is. I really think it is. You know, drink [the methadone] and run and leave- you ain’t getting nothing.

Q: How did you get syringes before the needle exchange?

I was snorting it before. I didn’t really start with syringes until the late 90’s. They got some outreach workers on the corner down there, too. Get some condoms, syringes. But you can’t get that many. I never used no dirty syringe. I never play with dirty syringes.

Q: How do the cops treat folks around the van?

They don’t really bother the van, but they always ride. They always ride through. Just looking. Looking. Might catch somebody on a warrant coming to the truck. Pick ‘em off. They been through twice today already. They ride through and look.

This neighborhood is more upscale now. Putting up condos. They are trying to get us out of the neighborhood. They got condos everywhere now.

All the day labor places moved to the suburbs or the south side, there’s no day labor service up here no more. There’s really nothing to do. The crime rate, climbing the last couple months. Three homicides last week. Three of ‘em up there- that I know of.

So there ain’t no jobs and there’s a crime wave. They’re closing everything down, close the shelter down- and the winter time’s comin’.

Q: Why do you think people start using drugs to begin with?

Probably escape. Some kind of abuse in their childhood they want to escape. Or stress. You are stressed out and need an easy way out and can escape a couple hours. But the problem’s still there when you come off the trip. You still going to be homeless, still going to be broke, still going to be hungry. Now I don’t know why the rich whites do it. They can afford it I guess… They got problems, too. The rich and famous. The rich got problems. May have more problems than we have.

Q: What do you think should be done? In terms of helping with the drug problem?

The methadone is a good idea, if it was did right, not so people abused it. Not for the rest of your life though. I know people on methadone ten or fifteen years. Can’t do dope the rest of your life. You got to drink your stuff and detox at a reasonable rate that works for you. Why you running along for? If meth used right, it helps.

Q: When you look for jobs now, people don’t call you back?

There’s a few jobs. But once they run a check on you, see you been to prison, convicted of a felony… They see you selling it, your application goes on the bottom. I been called on a few jobs. There’s no career job. Factory job way out in the ‘burbs. You need money to get out there on the train. Temp services, you got to get in line three or four in the morning.

Q: So there’s not a lot of state funded methadone?

There’s a program, but a lot of people don’t like the way it’s run. They just want to drink and go, drink and go. A lot of the programs are working though. I know a lot of guys, drinking [their methadone] and being successful.

Q: Why not in a state program?

I lost my ID three or four years ago. Someone stole my backpack with my ID, everything else. Without an ID you can’t get in a program. I finally got one, but now I am waiting to get in here.

Q: Do you think the exchange encourages people to shoot?

No. No not really. A lot of people come to the van.