Sarah and I met at the AtlantaHarmReductionCenter’s drop-in center in a west side neighborhood notoriously known as “the Bluff.” AHRC’s mission is to outreach with active users through curbside needle exchange, street outreach, and the drop-in center equipped with HIV testing, drug counseling groups, food, and other health-based services.

Q: How did you hear about the drop in center?

I have a cousin and a brother that shoot dope and stuff and they told me about this place that does needle works and condom exchange and stuff. I started coming up to the outside sites and stuff and then I started coming to the groups.

It has been pretty helpful for me with stuff- like a lot of things I didn’t know. I volunteer a lot up here and it’s a… helpful experience. It’s helpful, it’s something I want to do.

In 1990, I found out I was HIV positive, this is something I can give back to people. I can help with education and prevention to help someone else from being infected with the HIV virus. Ever since I found out I was positive, I was wanted to try to get into a line of help to educate people about HIV and how to keep them from contracting the virus.

Q Are you from the Atlanta area?

Yes, I am from Atlanta.

Q Have you lived in this neighborhood all your life?

Most of my life, yes. Most of my life.

Q: How would you describe this neighborhood?

Well!... its… from when I was a child it’s went down a whole lot. But we have let it go down. We are not concerned about it no more like we used to be. Basically, what the politicians said about it… we are just trying to show people that it can be back to how it was. Back in the day, when we were growing up, they still had cocaine, heroin, addictions and stuff. But still- it wasn’t the way it is now. They can go back to that, but the community’s got to get together, learn to go back to doing it.

Q: So what has made the difference?

It was not so much in the open. And if it was, everybody respected everybody. It was not to the point where…- they would help each other. Even if they had addiction, they had enough care for a fellow neighbor that they would, you know, put they problems aside to help the next person. Now it’s to the point where you out there on your own. It’s like, everybody for they self now.

Q: Why do you think that is?

I really couldn’t say with that because… Only thing I can say is this- it’s the drug addiction that came to be more important than family values, neighborhood community and stuff. Family morals, community morals is not important to your recreation thing.

Q: Do you know a lot of families in this neighborhood that don’t use drugs?

There’s quite a few fellas here that don’t do drugs, but they’re older members you know? Older family members.

But most of them middle aged. And they either selling drugs or doing drugs. The more older people in the neighborhood need to come up, instead of sitting back, watching it and saying, “it didn’t use to be this way…” and then step out and try to help change instead of always complaining or whatever.

Q: Now looking back, how did your own use begin?

I was, I was 16. I was sitting at home with one of my older sisters and my brother. My mother and father was gone out for the night. We were sitting alone when they left.

I asked my sister what she was doing. She said she was getting high. I told her I would like to try it. She tried to talk me out of it, but then eventually she let me. Ever since then, I’ve been smoking.

Q: What did you smoke?

Started smoking crack then with her.

Q: What was that experience like the first time?

It was an experience like- I mean… It was the first time I enjoyed. It was a high that I had never experienced from drinking. It was a better high for me than anything else. Even though it wasn’t that long a lasting high, I guess you could say it was a high where you goin’ to the moon. A straight up, straight down high.

Q: You’ve used crack ever since?

Yes

Q: How did your use progress from there?

For one, it had got real, real bad. It got to a point where I was coming and going for three or four weeks at a time. Leaving for months from home. I would up losing my children. I wound up doing prison time. I mean, I did three years in prison.

Between ’93 and 2000, my addiction had progressed to the point where it was non-stop. It was all I ate, sleep and lived. To do drugs, that was it. Back then, a program like this, I wouldn’t have even had time to come sit in here. But, after about 2000, I got so I start looking around and I start thinking.

That’s when I realized then you know, I guess what it was, my oldest daughter, she said something to me. She told me that when she growed up she wanted to be just like me. That’s what got me to thinking I had to start doing some changin’. I knew I was not the role model I wanted my child to follow behind.

Q: What was your charge for the three years?

Cruelty to children.

Q: What happened?

I was getting high and left my children at home with a boyfriend of mine and he left them by theyselves. My third child, he set my bedroom on fire. And they charged me with cruelty to children.

Q: What was the actual sentence?

Six years. I did three.

Q: When did you get out from that?

I got out, that was in ’94 that they sentenced me. I got out in ’97.

Q: Was that the first time you had been in prison? In the courts?

First time I ever been locked up. First time I ever been in trouble.

Q: So that was your first arrest?

First one.

Q: Were they aware of your substance abuse problem at the time?

No. No. No, no. They didn’t know nothing about my substance abuse problem.

Q: So they didn’t refer you to treatment?

No.

Q: Did they ask about your substance use at all?

No. They didn’t ask about nothin’. Nothin.

Q: Have you been in a treatment program before?

Yes. I’ve been in several. I’ve been to Set Free, Victory Outreach, I’ve been to OCW. I been to one in Griffin. That’s all of the ones I’ve been in.

Q: Why did you enter them? Why have you been in several?

I guess I get tired of the things that goes on in the streets- the way people treat you, how they dog you out. And then, you can’t, I had no where really to go to get away from it. If I stay at home I will still use. So I go to a program for a month or two. And then that’s it. Once I think I can handle it, I leave. I be out a week, maybe two weeks, and hmm, back to using again. It was on a voluntary basis. I check myself in and check myself out.

Q: Do you ever wish they wouldn’t have let you leave?

Yeah, a lot of times I think I would be in a better situation if they had made me stay.

Q: Now, how long as it been since you started coming to the drop in center?

I been coming here now for about almost a year now. About a year. About a year now. And I mean, I have met a lot of people that have been helpful. I been connected to a lot of agencies through this place.

Q: Like what?

AIDS Atlanta. I’ve been going to more, a lot of HIV seminars, learning about more techniques about how to deal with HIV, what different kinds of medicine they got going on. Different treatments. Things I would have never found out without this program.

Q: If this program were to close, how would that affect your life?

Well, basically, I wouldn’t know about the things I know about. The only time I find out about new techniques or new medicine is through my doctor appointments which are only once every three months maybe. And that’s not nice, that’s not good. Things come up all the time. But here, I can find out if there is a new medicine out on the market and I can go to my doctor and say, “hey, what about this?” It helps me to work more with my physician around medical treatment. It teaches me to how to live a health life during the drug use.

Q: If it keeps you healthier, does it make it easier to be a drug user?

No. No it don’t. Actually, you come in and talk about your drug usage and it makes you think. It makes you think about the things you’re doing. It gives you a minute to sit back and analyze the things you are doing, see if you need to make some changes in your life. And it helps you do it in a way, not in the way most people do- putting you down- but they work with you. They let you make the decision of when to stop, not when someone else wants you to stop.

Q: So what changes in life do you think about?

I have been thinking about trying to find me another program. I think with me and programs- what it is, I need to find a six month program. I don’t mind six months. After six months, I want to at least start working on getting me a job. After that, maybe my own place. If I am in a program, after about six months I am going to try to work, save me some money or something.

Q: If you wanted to go in a program now, how hard would it be to get in? Would it be easy?

Yeah, yeah. It’s pretty easy. I have the people here to help me. I have friends at church and I know people with connections to rehab. They could get me in.

Q: What else is going on in your life other than the drug use?

I’m happily engaged to a wonderful man.

Q: How did you two meet?

During our drug use. We’ve been dating off and on for five years. Through our drug usage. He does both- he smoke and shoot. Smoke and do heroin a lot.

Q: How do you support your habit?

He hustles and I hustle. I prostitute a little bit. Basically, it’s a do-what-you-have-to-do. Besides having to steal or kill someone, you know what I’m saying? I ain’t goin’ to harm nobody else.

Q: When you hustle, is that mostly around here?

Yes, in this neighborhood.

Q: Are the guys, the Johns, from around here?

Some of ‘em it is, some of ‘em it ain’t. I stand on the corner and sometimes it’s one of them looking for a date. Sometimes it’s someone from Buckhead.

Q: Describe the role of police around here.

They’re HOT! They is on every corner you turn. You have to really watch it. I mean, they are very sneaky. They on foot. They on motorcycles. They is very on patrol around here.

Q: Is that good or bad?

It’s good if they try to help keep the community clean, but for me, it makes it hard to work on the corner because if they catch you, you are going to jail.

Q: Do a lot of people get picked up around here?

Yeah.

Q: Do they get sent to jail or some sort of program mostly?

Last year I was picked up on solicitation. I did three months in pre-trial. They sent me to a treatment center. So, causing what the case is, and causing what your record is, they might send you to a program, they might send you to jail, or prison time. Depending on what they caught you with and your situation.

Q: What do you think is the most important thing that could be done at this point to better address the situation?

Actually, I feel like this right now- If they catch you, nine out of ten they catch selling drugs, they send to prison. But they catch someone soliciting or using dope, those are the ones they need to put in a program, instead of prison for that time. The drug programs they got in the prison system- ain’t worth nothin’. Ain’t worth nothin! The programs they got here are better than the ones they got in the prison system.

They need to change the drug laws. They need to make the drug laws to the point so they can get help for the user instead of incarcerating them. ‘Cause if you incarcerate a drug user, it will only stop the usage for a period of time. And in the back of the mind, they going to be thinking, “Oh, when I get out, I can’t wait to get out, I’m going to get me…” Because in three years, when it came up on my time, the closer I got to getting out, the more and more I thought about getting out and using again. So they need a program instead of sending them to prison.

Q: Were you able to use in prison?

No. No. That’s the one thing about prison- it’s tight, there are a lot of shake downs. They’ll wake you up at four in the morning to shake you down.

Q: Where are your sister and most of the kids you grew up with now?

My sister is drug free. She has a four bedroom apartment and a wonderful job... She is trying to get me to straighten out my life. But most of the kids I grew up- they either dead… dead, in jail, or doing drugs. Or dealing drugs.

Q: Are most of the dealers around here addicted?

In some form or another. Either weed, snorting, or smoking crack.

The west side is the side you get anything and everything you want. “Go to the Bluff, they have everything you want.” “If you can’t find it in the Bluff, it can’t be found.” That’s what they say.