Brian Barnstable is a Multiple Sclerosis patient living in a small town outside of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

I found out in 1994 that I had Multiple Sclerosis. I went pretty much blind in one eye. I got optic neuritis is what it’s called. I saw an eye doctor and he told me it was typical of MS, so he ordered a scan and sent me to a neurologist. He also told me that blindness in my eye would take six months to a year to go away. He said my vision would slowly get better, but it would take a long time.

With the pressure in my eyes and what I had heard about marijuana helping, I went and got some marijuana and started smoking several times a day everyday and my vision came back completely within three weeks.

That’s when I really noticed that marijuana could help significantly. I hadn’t really used it that much before. But when I got cancer in 1999 I had radiation therapy which makes you really sick. You can’t keep anything down and that’s when I went back to using a lot of marijuana. The medicine the doctor prescribed, it barely stopped you from throwing up. They didn’t give me Marinol actually, it was something else to keep you from getting sick.

I aggressively smoked before and after treatment and over the months while I was recovering I was actually able to put on a little weight instead of losing weight. After that, I went back to using it recreationally again.

A couple of years ago I decided to smoke everyday. Since I have done that, it’s been noticeable. It does help. I might not be any more productive, but at least I feel a lot more comfortable. A lot more comfortable. Because I feel a lot more comfortable I am able to do more stuff.

Q: When did you go blind in one eye?

In 1994. I was born in 61 so I was about 33 years old. I was actually going to school at that time at a community college out in Wyoming. I was doing a lot of reading and typing and I just kind of noticed my vision was going. At first I didn’t think anything of it. But after a couple of days I realized I definitely couldn’t see out of that eye. So I got it checked out.

I didn’t have an official MS diagnosis for a good month. I saw the eye doctor right away and he said this is a typical MS story, but then we had to hear from the neurologist out in Wyoming. Green River, Wyoming.

By the time I saw the neurologist, the optic neuritis was actually gone, I could see. I confronted the neuroligst about that, “My vision came back.” He agreed with the other doctor though that it was MS.

I didn’t tell him I had been smoking and I asked why my vision came back so quickly, but he didn’t have any explanation for it.

Q: How does marijuana help your condition?

With MS, it is hard to really understand a change because my body is changing all of the time. The stiffness is growing constantly. It relieves a lot of the restrictions in my body though. It loosens me up. It works really good with the other medications I am taking. I have eliminated three other medications I have been taking by using marijuana. The pain meds that I am on, marijuana works really well with those.

Q: What prescriptions have you been able to eliminate?

For the most part, let’s see… I eliminated Baclofen which I only sometimes use now. It is for spasticity. Pot works a lot better than that. The only time I really get notice help from Baclofen is when I use it with pot. The other is Amantadine. Amantadine it is something I was taking for fatigue. And I have been able to stay away from Percocet and those heavy duty pain killers.

I broke my left ankle in ’97 and now I have a pin with a plate and a bunch of screws in. After I had cancer in ’99, my whole right side started kicking up the MS and the MS started affecting me a lot with the cancer treatment. My whole right side shut down, probably about 40% of what my left side is. I had a hard time putting my arm over my shoulder, lifting my right leg when I walk. What’s really difficult about the way I walk is that I am very unsteady on my right leg so I am constantly catching myself with my left- the ankle I broke. So my ankle hurts a lot. I have been able to get off the Percocets though and the harder medications.

Q: Do you get interferon injections?

No, I take Copaxone. It is a shot everyday. I feel comfortable with Copaxone. The more I check on it, the better I like what I hear. It is designed specifically for MS. The interferon, they figured they would just give it a try with MS, it wasn’t designed for it.

Q: What is your job?

After I got cancer in ’99, I realized that I couldn’t do what I used to. All my life I have tried to work some kind of construction- landscaping, painting, etc. I lost my job when I got cancer. After I recovered I decided to go back to school. I got a rehabilitation grant from the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation who did a great job in helping me get retrained to be something else. I got a computer degree.

When I graduated in 2001 though the bottom fell out of the market and I couldn’t find any work so I started my own company doing maintenance and grounds management. We do landscaping and put down stone. I subcontract out because it is so difficult to hire somebody. Running my own business is really the only way I can work. With MS, I need to set my own schedule. I can limit my hours and hire other people to do the more physical work. The downside is that I have more expenses though. Of course it is hard to cover stuff like insurance. I wouldn’t be able to do this at all if it weren’t for my wife having a job with insurance to carry me.

Q: Can you go on disability at this point?

I checked into that but I was a little bit short. Although I am happy to be working at this point in time. I did try to go on because I was worried about making ends meet for my family- having a disease like this is very, very expensive. There is a lot of time lost when you can’t work, a lot of drug expenses, medical expenses. Of course, if I want to feel half way decent, I need to smoke marijuana and that is very expensive. I wouldn’t dare try to grow it myself even though I have space. I have a family so I have to buy it in small quantities so it is a misdemeanor if I get caught. It is just adding the expense that I have.

Q: How much do you spend each month on marijuana?

I was thinking about that. I figured I go through about two pounds a year. So it depends on the market price. I have gotten ounces for as little as $120 or $150 and I’ve paid as much as $400 for an ounce. It really depends. I suppose I should keep track of it. I would guess at least $4,000 a year.

Q: Is this someone in the neighborhood? Do you have a connection?

No, I don’t have a connection. I have lost them one by one as they give it up. I have been having increasing trouble finding it. Now I don’t have a source or anything. It is a struggle.

The way I understand it, if you have less than an ounce, it is a misdemeanor. As long as you don’t have it packaged in different envelopes where it looks like distribution. But of course that is all at the discretion of the police officers. More than an ounce I understand you could be penalized for distribution. Then of course they have drug-free school zones, too. I try to keep abreast of what the laws are and so forth.

Q: Tell me again about your children. How has your family responded?

My wife is a born-again. Therefore she is a Republican and very much follows the Republican agenda. She knew me back when I used marijuana for recreational purposes, so now that I am really sick and using it a lot more, she doesn’t really buy it. She doesn’t recognize it. She really thinks it should be illegal, too. She thinks if it is available a lot of people will use it who aren’t supposed to. But it is available, at least for younger people anyway.

A friend of mine borrowed my truck one time and we were talking about how expensive marijuana was. There were two kids with her, helping unload the truck. One was about 17 and one was about 15 and the 17 year old said, oh, I can get marijuana for $80 and the 15 year old said, “well, I can get it for $60.” I thought, geez, I should buy it from these guys. But of course they weren’t interested in getting any for me.

The thing about though is that young people have access to cheaper drug markets whereas people like me are struggling to find it. When we do, it is expensive. I know the last meeting I had several months ago with a bunch of disabled people, there was an older man there whose son had cancer. He asked how he was supposed to find this stuff and pay for it. Half the people in the room said go find a teenager because that’s what they did. They would find their friend’s kid to get it for them at school. People like me and them don’t have access to those cheap drug markets or we don’t know where they are.

Q: What do you tell your kids?

I don’t tell them anything about it. I don’t talk to them about it by name. I do talk to them about how you can try to change the law if you don’t have any money or anything though. The younger one is six and doesn’t understand it at all. The older one, she’s nine, she doesn’t really understand it either. But she knows the medicine I am taking is against the law and she doesn’t understand that at all.

Q: What does your wife want you to tell the kids?

She doesn’t want them to know. Even what I said right there is too much information to tell them. She doesn’t want them to know anything at all about it.

Q: Do you think this will have an impact on whether they choose to use drugs?

It will certainly have an impact on the way they think about them I would think. As to what they choose, I really don’t think it would encourage them to use drugs. For one thing, they can tell they aren’t sick like I am. I make it a point to tell them why I do this sort of thing.

Q: If you were to stop using marijuana, what would that do to you?

Well, the medicine that I take for pain wouldn’t be as effective. I would probably need more and more oxycontin and percocet. That is only kind of a prediction. What I know for sure is that I would take a lot of Baclofen and I would start to stiffen up quite a bit- like paralysis. I can feel it in the morning how stiff my body is, compared to later in the day when I have marijuana in my system. By the time evening rolls around I am pretty flexible, I can move fairly well. Sometimes I don’t even want to go to sleep because I feel so good.

The hard part though would be the fatigue. I wouldn’t do as much. I would just sit around and not be as productive. It helps with my depression, too. I have had problems with depression all of my life, but only recently have I gotten treatment for it. The treatment has been really effective. MS covers your consciousness like a blanket. You can’t really do anything. It is hard to get focused, to get a plan and get motivated. If I were to stop smoking I wouldn’t be doing anywhere near as much. I would probably be sitting around a lot more and would have a harder time focusing.

Q: Are you getting high?

No. I smoke so much now, I barely feel any effects like a ‘high.’ Maybe the first time in the day or if I smoke a new kind. As far as affecting my consciousness negatively, I haven’t noticed anything. It doesn’t make it difficult for me to think or interact with people. Sometimes I find I am actually better equipped to talk to people. I really don’t feel the effects of getting high. My body does. I feel it in my body very much. As far as the brain, it seems to be getting use to it more and more all of the time.

Q: Have their been any bad effects from using marijuana?

My throat gets a little sore. Switching to a vaporizer makes a very big difference though. A very big difference. That is a problem. The biggest side effect more than anything is my wife’s attitude toward it. Because it is illegal she is really, well, she is not approving.

Q: Tell me more about your vaporizer.

I got it last year. I ordered it online. A friend of mine out west had one and I was surprised how well it worked. Seeing how my throat was getting sore, I tried it. I am pleased I did. It is more productive. You get more out of your marijuana that way, it is healthier and doesn’t stink up the house as much. It has been good. It has worked very well. It was $170.

Q: How is it more productive?

You get more out of your weed because after you vaporize it, you have an ash that still has good properties in it. That material can be baked with. You can make brownies or cookies. It is very effective. Sometimes eating it is more helpful for me because it comes on slower so it disrupts my consciousness less. It also stays in my body longer.

Q: Do you use the vaporizer and bake everyday?

I would like to, but I don’t have the baking materials to do it everyday. I use the brownies at times when I will be unable to smoke. I vaporize everyday.

Q: How many people do you know in Wisconsin that are using medicinally?

I know about a half dozen in Madison, a couple around here, and a couple out in Colorado. I actually run in to more people all of the time. I think there are also a lot of people using it for medicinal purposes who think they are just doing it recreationally, in particular people with depression or ADD. I know people with ADD who are very outspoken about how much it helps. I know I had depression for years. I had bouts of depression as early as junior high and high school. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I went in for treatment. The drug I take now, I have been amazed how well it works. It is interesting because the first time I ever smoked dope, I had the same thoughts about marijuana that I have about my prescription now. I remember thinking it was so fantastic. I know marijuana is highly psychoactive. And I know if you have depression and you smoke marijuana, you know marijuana helps you. You might not know you have depression, but you know marijuana helps you. A lot of people with depression don’t know they have it or deny they have it.

Q: Tell me about your conversation with John Kerry.

It was very brief. When I reached over to shake his hand, I said, “There’s a lady in a wheelchair over here and me who want to know when our medicine is going to be legal.” He just said, “When I’m president.” You know, you just get your hand in there and talk fast. I think he understood what I was talking about, he saw me coming from quite a ways away. I was wearing a NORML shirt. It seemed like a programmed response though, I didn’t expect him to say anything else. I am going to write a letter soon to remind him what he said though.

Q: How public are you with your use?

In the community, no. I keep a real low profile. A lot of my close friends know. Quite a lot of people know I smoke, but they are usually alright with it. I know my wife and her in-laws aren’t happy about it at all. I try to keep as quiet as possible. I am getting more and more vocal in the community about medical marijuana. There is this bill that recently just got voted down, but it will be up next year. I am trying to be more vocal, but I am still a little worried about repercussions.

Q: Anything else?

I really think with the campaign- I have been distributing a lot of flyers. I have been getting a good response. I don’t feel any resistance to it in the community. I feel like I could publicly smoke and not have anyone call the police, even in my neighborhood. Although I know some people would get mad. There is quite a bit of acceptance for it, especially for medical reasons.

Q: What would you like to say to the average American out there?

Well, They really should think about it like there is a drug that is helpful for so many disease is illegal is a crime. Even if it weren’t illegal, it is a crime to harass somebody for what they do to themselves. The War on Drugs is harassment of the population. It is almost like terrorism by the government against the sick. The government is persecuting the sick- denying them medicine that is effective because it is a plant that you can grow by yourself.