Geraldine and I met in July of 2004. At the time she was an in-patient client at Gaudenzia in Baltimore.

February 9 th. I went into detox first for seven days ad then the women’s long term on the 17 th. That’s when I started my process- the 17 th. This month I’ve been clean five months.

If you’re just here to kill time, it’s not going to work for you.

I was a wreck. I lost everything- my kids, husband, car, also my job. And I got a blood disorder… I got a blood disorder and by that I mean HIV. But I thank God for giving me a second chance.

If you apply yourself and want to do this, you can.

Now I feel at peace with myself. In order for me to love other people I need to love myself first. Now my kids and I, we are starting to bond and my grandkids, too.

I want to feel clean and sober. I don’t want to wake up with shakes and vomiting.

Q: Did you know any of the women here before you came in?

No, we all became friends when we got here.

Q: Are you from Baltimore?

Greenwood, South Carolina.

Q: How did you get to Baltimore?

My mother and father came up here and I’ve been in Baltimore ever since.

Q: How did your drug use start?

Curious. I was 31 years old. I wanted to see what everyone else was feeling like. I have no one to blame but myself.

I used to be around it and it didn’t bother me. I started drinking at a late age. I don’t want any of it anymore. I pray for it everyday.

With friends. I started selling on the corner, working for it. I used to sell it, everyday. Out of my house. My house got raided. I was asleep at the time and they knocked my door in and came in. Because I was asleep the judge dismissed the case.

I managed to get my kids back and now that they’re grown, I’ve come here to get my life in order. I still have a chance to live a normal life. My daughter kept pushing me… but I got to sit down and thinking about everything I had lost. I looked in the mirror and saw that it wasn’t me- that’s when I came here.

Q: What was your drug of choice?

It was heroin. I was using ten years give or take. I never used no needles.

Q: Why did you come to treatment? What happened after ten years?

The emptiness. I felt lonely and I had nothing else to live for. I came here so I could find myself again. This place-they help you but you have to let yourself.

When I came in I was a mess. I didn’t want no help, no criticism. But today I am glad to say I have responsibilities. This is the first in-patient I’ve been to. It works for me.

Q: How does it work here?

In different ways. If you just want to get your job back it will work for a while, but you really need to be here for your life.

Q: When did you find out you had HIV?

About two years ago. I saw the motor van out on the streets and they came out to my house and they said I had to go to the health department and thank God. I’m not on any med’s. My cell count is normal.

Q: Was this a needle exchange van?

No- just a health department van. They give shots- for TB- others. All mine’s came out negative except that one.

Q: Was there a waiting list to get in?

I could come right away.

Q: Why do you think so many people are using drugs today?

Curiosity. They’re head strong and think the can get away with it. That they can sit behind the scenes while things are going in. They are init for the money, for real.

Q: What do you think should be done about the drug problem?

I would try to remove it if I could. I would try to clean the neighborhoods. The younger generation coming up shouldn’t have to go through recovery. We made it hard for ourselves.

Q: What are your plans at this point?

Going back with my kids and hopefully go back to work, attend NA meetings, get a sponsor, and a home group and continue my after-care here for six more months.

My long term goal is to work in the Baltimore city area. I don’t want to rush into anything. I want to take my time with it.