Laura and I met at the crisis center operated by Genesis House, a facility specializing in working with women who have prostituted in South Chicago. Genesis House is one of the few programs in the United States that focuses on women who have prostituted. Many of the women who participate in the residential program have been mandated to the program for a specified amount of time in lieu of serving time behind bars.

I’ve lost all my kids to drug use, I’ve been in the penitentiary four times.

Did you see that blonde-haired girl- on your way here, how did you come? Did you go down Pulaski? They had a blonde-haired um girl that was using- who was out there tricking, and she was on a very high level of methadone, fell asleep- she was sleeping at a bus stop and they got out and just started kicking her up. They kicked her and kicked her until she had no chance but to get up. She was nodding, off the heroin and the methadone. Ahuha… The police. They was kicking her.

I slipped and I fell, so I am in a relapse. Is that okay? To still… work with you like that? It’s okay with me, is it okay for you to hear what I have to say even though I relapsed?

Q: Why don’t you explain again, about your mother, now that I have the recorder on?

My mom, was an IV-user and she died of full-blown AIDS from an overdose. At the end of her run, with HIV and full-blown AIDS, she couldn’t get up. We had to carry her into the bathroom. She just, she didn’t want to deal with having anybody, somebody else take responsibility for her.

One day I opened the back door and then I closed the back door and she was laying… [Laura starts to nod off]… Sorry! I haven’t been to sleep for seven days.

Ok, um, she took um, we believe it was six bags. We found six tin foils. She put it in the needle and she injected herself and she asked me and my stepfather- please don’t call an ambulance, please don’t call a doctor, just let her go to sleep. She got on the couch… A few minutes later, she was gone. Just like- that fast. Because of the full-blown AIDS, the ambulance that came to the hospital to bring her body out, they were just kind of like flipping her all over the place because they didn’t have any knowledge about what HIV was about. It was eight years ago.

When my mom passed away, all I knew was that, my mother had control of everything. We’d never seen my mother cry. She always paid the bills on time. She was a good woman. When she passed away, I was dealing with a lot of hurt and a lot of shame. They didn’t invite me to her funeral burial. I never got to say goodbye to my mother and she never got to say goodbye to her grandkids. So I started using what my mom used because I knew it made her feel better. And that was heroin. I was 27 going on 28.

Q: Why weren’t you invited to the burial?

My kids were mixed. I’m not mixed. I’m Italian. They didn’t want me there. They said it was for my mother, but actually if it was up to my mother, she would have let me come there, to her burial. But that’s neither here nor there because I’m still getting high.

Q: What was your drug use like before your mother’s death?

My mom smoked my first joint with me in 8 th grade, as a matter of fact, for my 8 th grade graduation. She showed me how to smoke hash, on a saucer plate with a cup over it. Um… I did my first line of cocaine with my mother my sophomore year. On the weekend, when the kid gets allowance, we got our allowance, she would come out with four joints in her hand and say, “you pick two and you pick two.” We used to fight over who got the biggest joint. Huh…

I’m so tired, where was I at?

Yeah, allowance was reefer. Me and my brother would fight over it. My mom and dad owned strip clubs and rock ‘n roll clubs. They sold a lot of drugs. I would find T-bone and cocaine in the freezer, the garbage can full of weed. I started stealing. When my mom would to go sleep, I would go to her purse. I was the only sophomore in Riverside High School who had access to those kinds of drugs. My mom was the cool mom of Riverside. She had beer parties, pool parties. Everybody wanted my mom to be their mom- accept me.

Q: This was very much a way of life for your parents?

Hm-hmm. They brought it up to me as being my way of life, too.

Q: So how did you get to Genesis House?

I been in the penitentiary three times; once for possession, one for forgery, and one time for prostitution. But I have 37 misdemeanor prostitutions in my background.

Q: How does that work?

I should have been put back to the penitentiary because my last charge was prostitution, they made me do six months straight- flat time. So I got caught this time, I knew I was going down. I went in there for three months. The judge said, go ahead and get Genesis. I said, “Why would I…” I’m exhausted… So the last charge of prostitution, they gave 61 days to three years unless it’s exterminated [expunged].

The judge sent me here for an evaluation. I had court the next day. They faxed it and they accepted me. The judge said, “Do you know you are a very lucky young lady?” I said, “Yes, I know.” She said, “Why do you know you are a lucky one?” She said she saw in me I needed a chance. She said this would be my one and only chance. I was like, “Damn.” I haven’t been back in front of her yet.

But I fucked up. I was wearing my feelings on my shoulder. My self-esteem was real low. It was about two weeks ago. And I now have to go into detox/treatment. It will be at least 60 days of treatment. In-patient. Five day medical detox, because as you can see for the first time, this morning, I was snorting it. But I stopped. I literally found a brand new needle, with a seal and everything. I found it in an abandoned building, but it was brand new, still in the wrapper…

I don’t know. It’s like sometimes I want to let go and I want to get out of this pain. But then there are days when I don’t want to feel anything because it just hurts so bad. And when you don’t have anybody on the outside- and everybody is like in this- excuse me- even in the house over there, that’s all you deal with, nine women with attitudes and problems and bitching and all that other stuff- you don’t want to be there. There’s nothing to do. I keep saying, if you know Laura like I know Laura, you will find something for her to do, because if not, she’s going to walk pretty soon.

Q: They don’t have anything to do?

They do have something to do, it’s just… What if somebody doesn’t want to play card games? You can only do that a certain amount of time. You can’t read and write all day long, everyday. It’s impossible, at least not for me- I have an attention disorder. As you can see- you think I’m crazy right now, but I’m really not, it’s really the drugs.

I walked out. I walked out. I couldn’t take it no longer. I mean, you know, it’s hard enough. I had to see people’s mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunties, babies… on their visiting days, and I have nobody to come through. That’s already hard enough. I don’t want to see their stuff… [Laura starts to nod off again].

You’re never going to talk to me again.

Q: It’s not a problem, but I am interested in what you have to say. At this point, what are you hoping to do?

At this point I am waiting on a bed for detox right now. I am hoping the detox will have a bed by 12 o’clock. I first asked a week and a half ago. There’s not a lot of medical detox for us using heroin. It won’t be a cold turkey detox. But I know someone who went cold turkey- it was nasty.

Q: Tell me about your last seven days.

I haven’t slept. I’ve been on a crack diet. Smoking cocaine day, evening, night… I… I am using both. Today is the first time I have used the heroin. I was just using crack-cocaine when I left the house, but then like I said, I found that…

Don’t seriously think I’m crazy, I just have to take my medicine. It’s just when you get that tired, you get delusional.

I used to be a sleep person, like when I lived on Riverside with my parents, I’d take naps, by the pool; but now, especially with nowhere to stay and you are out on the street. They found me- do you know where they found me this morning? They found me at the bus stop asleep. Right across the street there- just like this, asleep, knocked out. They said, “you know, the lifestyle you lead, you ought to be scared of getting killed.”

You know, I’ve been shot five times. From a trick. That’s one… Right there… Right there… and both my thighs. All at one time. A trick wanted my drugs and I wouldn’t give him drugs.

My hair was down to here. I got into a trick’s car and you know how they got mold and ticks? They put ticks in my hair, the trick did, and my hair started falling out. I was so high, I’m brushing my hair, not seeing that there were big comb-fulls of hair coming out of my head. So four months ago I had to cut my hair from down there all the way up to here. I’ve never had my hair cut short before, so that was a big loss to me.

I’ve had tricks step on me, burnt me, I’ve been raped.

Q: Have the police been able to help? What role do they play?

When I got raped, I called the police… they arrested me on a misdemeanor warrant. They brought me to the hospital to do a rape kit with me chained up.