I used to smoke crack. Off and on for over, I would say, 15 years. I tried to quit on my own. I’ve been to other treatment centers and everything. I’ve been doing good for the last like year, year and a half and I relapsed like six months ago; six, seven months ago. I was up for three months straight, all day and all night smoking crack.

I realized- I started thinking about my kids, my job- I had a pretty good job and stuff. I lost a lot. My mom was in Milwaukee , she wouldn’t call or speak to me. My dad- he told me I didn’t have a father anymore, I was dead to him. I had lost my house, kids, vehicles, everything I owned.

I just thought about it one day. It was raining real hard. You couldn’t see three feet in front of you. I just said forget it. I know how I was raised. I haven’t blamed anyone for my drug use. I know I had a problem. I started to think it was like I was trying to kill myself at the time. I walked all the way here in the rain, freezing cold. They gave me a mat. They welcomed me in pretty good. As an overnighter. I got a counselor, he took me to the back, got some clothes for me. They talked to me about the program. I felt like I had friends already, I felt loved. Like somebody cared. Before that, I didn’t care and I didn’t think anybody cared about me or wanted to care about me.

Before, I used to be, I was a God-fearing man. My wife and my kids and I used to go to church all the time. Why did God let me use? I didn’t like the smell of it, I didn’t like the high, it killed my sister. Why would I use it? But I was using more and more and more. I was hooked on it. I couldn’t quit.

I didn’t know nothing about addiction really. I didn’t know why I was staying on it. I tried to quit on my own. I went into a program, it didn’t work. But this program here- it has everything the other program had but more. I’ve learned more about myself and my drug addiction, about different signs, triggers for me to use it. I found out I had depression pretty bad then. I know that my self-esteem was very low. I found out a lot more stuff about myself. I hadn’t found out about that in no other program that I’ve been in.
I have been drinking and smoking marijuana since I was nine or ten years old. When I was 12 or 13 I started selling weed to friends. I started selling more and more weed. I was in a gang also. By 15 I was selling heroin and cocaine- powder. Because of the gang I was in and things that were going on, my parents sent me down here for a better environment, to get me out of Milwaukee .

For a year, I didn’t sell no drugs or nothing. When I first moved here, Omaha didn’t have gangs. They had dance groups. But a year or two after I lived here, Bloods and Cryps moved in. Things started getting bad. People from Chicago and Philly and New York . Then a rival gang, the Vice Lords came. I knew some of them, they recognized us. It started up. Shootings and stuff. Then I was selling even more drugs. We used to get pounds of weed and half a keys of coke. Crack. Big stuff.

But Omaha is still a very good city, it has its crime now and it’s worser than it used to be, but it’s not as bad as it is in other cities. I still feel safe today in Omaha walking down a dark street by myself. Omaha , it seems like people still have a bit of respect for others. But a bigger city- man, you walk down the street by yourself, people mess with you, maybe even rob you because you are a different person in the neighborhood. In Chicago , I was scared to even sit out on the porch. You could feel the aura in the air- it was very tense. Here, it’s still pretty calm.

When I was 18, I was over at my brother in law’s house. One of my step cousins was in the garage smoking weed. They had some crack with the weed mixed in. I didn’t know at first, but I tried it. I knew it right away. They told me I shouldn’t a did it. Later on, when I was about 21, 22, I started smoking it straight off the pipe by itself. I was still selling it a little bit. I lost my first daughter and her mom because I started getting bad and I didn’t care.

Q: Looking back, why were you interested in drinking or smoking when you were nine?

Before I was that age, my mom and dad would blow smoke in my face. From what I hear, one of my favorite aunties, I was two years old, and she saw me holding a joint. You know how some people put a little alcohol, beer, or whiskey in the baby’s bottle to help them get to sleep. It was the 70’s. My mom and dad… they had kids. I don’t know if it was cool back then for parents to do that, but they did that. You know, “Oh look, he’s holding a beer can…”

know? I wish sometimes that I never been introduced to drugs. I have hurt a lot of people. I lost a good relationship with my first daughter’s mom. I have messed up a lot between my wife and my kids. Now she has trust issues and I wish it had never happened.

Q: What would you tell people about gangs?  

Well, see, some people get mixed up in gangs… Nobody should join a gang. Here’s you have a kid out in the street. Their mom or dad is on drugs real bad. The kid don’t have nothing you know. He don’t really, there’s not a lot going on. I am not saying he should turn to gangs… But… When I was in though, the organization, it helped you out. A lot of people could get help, some of the things that they wasn’t getting at home you know? Which is bad that they have to find ways like that to get what they needed. Which is bad that they had to go that route… to get the love they needed. It’s a horrible way, but it’s helped a lot of people.

There are a lot of people today that used to be in a gang- that grew up to be pretty good people. Police officers, judges, lawyers. Some in jail, some dead, but some went to college. Like my best friend in Milwaukee in junior high, he played football for the Green Bay Packers. A lot of bad things come out of it, but some good things come out of it.

Q: What kind of run-ins did you have with the criminal justice system?

I haven’t had big things. I’ve been in jail before for minor things- driving without a license, stealing in a store.

Q: Where do you think you would be if you weren’t at Sienna Francis?

I’d probably, at the way I was going, I’d be in jail or dead.

Q: At this point, what are some of your longer-term goals?

I try to live just for today. I plan on going to school, get me a career. One of my goals is to get my family back together… you know, get me a house and just live a clean and sober and happy life.

Q: What do you think could be done differently, to better address issues around addiction?

I feel, I think they should try to understand the problem more, what’s going on. You have people out here that lock you up or you got jail and some of them don’t even know about addiction or that someone is addicted. Someone is hooked on a drug and they throw them in jail. That’s not going to make them stop. The schools need more education on it. I believe a lot more people in the criminal justice system need to learn more about addiction. I am not saying to just let people go- have them serve for the crime they did- but we need to do something to help that person. If someone can get clean and stay clean, that will be better for society.